Tag: Samatau

Episode 5 – ‘Bye Bye Misfits’ or ‘Bye Bye Miss Fit’

Don’t be caught spewin’, know how we got here by catching up on yesterday’s analysis.

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I don’t need to add a thing to this, it’s perfectly delicious! I could watch it for hours.

Finally we got exactly what we asked for and know the dynamics of the Samatau tribe. And oh how quickly the game has turned. I must admit heading in to tribal, everything about the edit, not just this episode, but this series, was telling me that AK (Male Rebel Wilson) was going tonight. I would have been unhappy, but not surprised if this were the case. So for it to turn out the way it did? Well let’s just say that there was so much fist pumping going on in my loungeroom that you might think CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED all over the CENSORED CENSORED. But was this actually the best move for the new dominant alliance in Samatau?

You Done Messed Up A-A-Ron! (maybe he didn’t but I really wanted to use that line)

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Premature high five?

Before I get started on whether Aimee was the right target, I need to acknowledge something that AK did tonight that I thought was exquisite. When he was telling us that he needed one more number, and that he thinks he might be able to get Peter, I was screaming at the TV “Get Jarrad to do it!!”. Thankfully he heard me. To hear AK then tell us that this was a better job for Jarrad because Jarrad has a softer approach, well I was really impressed with the insight that he showed. He’s come a long way from episode one where he was a complete bull at a gate. Itching to get into it. It didn’t just come across as shady, it actually came across as insincere. Since nearly going home in episode 2 for it, he may not have changed his strategy in terms of manouvering, but he certainly changed his social game. Whenever I’ve seen him speak with others recently he’s come across as very sincere and humble. Well done sir.

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Ooh, go easy JLP!

Back to targeting Aimee, let’s think this through for AK. This move has undermined Locky’s power in the game certainly. Now that we finally know that Peter, Jarrad, and even Ziggy feel vulnerable under his rule, why not vote him out? Is it about keeping Locky around as a meat shield? Much like week old Devon though, that’s some very risky meat though (I know I know, devon’s barely meat, but it feels good to talk about Devon). Locky’s not going to go down without a fight. I feel he still has it in him to convince Ziggy and others to flip back and vote out AK as he’s clearly such a strategic threat. We heard Ziggy say that she is in a final three alliance with AK and Jarrad, but we’ve only heard her say that to AK. I did feel a little that AK was coming on too strong when he was trying to sure up his position in the eyes of Locky, Tara, and Aimee. And good on Tara for having the insight to still be very wary of him.

It seems to me now that Locky was a better target.

So from here we see both Locky and Tara, both influential, in a position where they are going to fight hard and probably not going to flip against each other. Had Locky been removed then we would be left with Aimee and Tara. They don’t seem to be particularly loyal to one another, and it had already been determined that Aimee was a sheep. The new alliance could easily scoop Aimee up in the battle to remove Anneliese or Tara. It seems to me now that Locky was a better target. Particularly for AK who had everything to lose. It was not like if the plan against Locky hadn’t worked then AK would be stuck on a tribe with Locky after trying to vote him out, AK’d be gone. I hope to be proven wrong that this this was the wrong move. Time will tell. So what can Locky do now?

No Longer a Misfit, So it’s Time for Loki’s Mischief (do Norse mythology references work in this blog?)

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Modesty’s not really your forte either is it dude?

He’s been thrown a lifeline, what should he do with it? Presumably he still has Tara and Anneliese in his corner. Are there two others that would flip back to their side and vote with them? I don’t think there are. At this point, imminent merge/shuffle notwithstanding (which I had predicted could be as soon as the next episode, but wasn’t mentioned in the preview, leading me to reconsider), I suspect the best way for him to save himself now is to flip on Tara or Anneliese. Tessa fuggin hates Tara (much like myself) and would be happy to see her go. It’s true that AK is a threat but everybody already knows that, they’ll want him gone eventually, but are happy to use him as their number for now. In this sense, AK could almost be Locky’s meat shield (now that’s some smelly baloney!). So I suggest Locky’s best move is to go and apologise to AK for not working with him and for being so arrogant, and make moves against Tara. However I don’t suspect this is within Locky’s repertoire, he’s too proud and, despite his protestations at the previous tribal, he loves being the alpha male and would never submit to someone like AK, even just for appearances. What about T-Bone (Tara for those who’ve been following the analysis since episode 1) now?

T-Bone Gettin’ Cooked!

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“How do you like your steak?”

Just as it was for Locky, my suggestion for Tara would be to show some humility here. She was outplayed. Judging the preview of tomorrow night however, as we would actually expect from T-Bone, she clicks it. Digging a hole for herself making it easier for Locky and Anneliese to piss down on her. Given what we learnt tonight about her relationship with P-Styles (I’m trying that out for Peter, let me know what you think. Maybe P-Con?), perhaps the better move would be to have a chat with him, and try and work her way back into the tribe’s good books. Or at least find out if there’s a possibility she can shift the target from her to anyone else. Will she do this? Guess we won’t know until we get there.

You Can’t Spell ‘Anneliese’ Without ‘Lies’

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I’m not touching that one…

I imagine things are feeling shaky for Anneliese now too. Is there a way she can ingratiate herself back into the now dominant alliance? I don’t know that she has any relationship with any of those players. It is important for her however to find out where Locky’s head is at. There’s a possibility he could flip on her to save himself and Tara. If she gets the impression that this is a possibility, then vote with the new alliance. Tara and Locky are the bigger threats here so it’s best for her to blend in to the background somewhat and let the heat flow their way. Ultimately as long as Locky and T-Bone don’t try to throw her under the balls, I don’t think it makes a difference if she votes with them or against them. With a merge/shuffle likely around the corner and the two of them bigger threats than she is and should be safe until then. Play it cool Anneliese.

Paging Dr. Comeback

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“Ooh Jarrad it’s not just the storm that’s making me wet.”

I’m so glad Dr. T is still around. She makes things so much more interesting. Her play here is pretty simple. Lay low. There’s much bigger targets around than here. Start subtly working the social relationship with Zig-a-zig-ah, P-Con and Jarrad (sorry Jazzy J, I don’t have a nickname for you yet) and vote whichever way you’re told. Like Markzan, I have confidence in you. Unlike Markzan, I don’t show it by voting against you.

P(eter)eanut butter and J(arrad)elly

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Jarrad’s vote could swing either way #toteshomo

Welcome to the game lads. To be fair I’m sure they’ve been playing a solid game thus far, we just haven’t been seeing it. I suspect they’ve been going with the flow waiting for a time like this to nudge the game in their favour. Well done men. Looking forward to seeing more from you. Pearl Jam (does that work for Peter and Jarrad or is it a stretch? Fuck it, I’m going with it) now find themselves in a position of power. The best move for them is to stick with AK, Tess and Zig until merge/shuffle, vote out Locky, and go from there. Too risky to keep Locky around and I don’t think Tess or AK are going to flip against them. Things are pretty solid for the next few tribals for them unless something ridiculous happens.

Little Tribe Blue, Where Are You?

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We are at 66% Samatau! 

I’m well aware that I haven’t talked Asaga at all this post, that’s because there’s nothing of note to talk of there. I’m not even going to utter the C-word. You know, the one Jericho is no longer munching on. To quote Jerkicho himself, the tribe, or what we’re being shown of it is “booooring”.

Before I go a quick note to say how happy I am that we’re five episodes in and have had a boot every night. Thanks for listening to the fans channel ten. I hope I haven’t jinxed it.
Until Sunday, I got nothing else for you, head back to camp.

– Russell Feathers

(Most memes created by Russell Feathers, most everything else and all gifs Channel Ten)

Episode 3 – ‘Flipping Hell’ OR ‘Cracking The Shifts’

Don’t let your cat get eaten by a mouse. If you wanna be on the ball your best bet is to have read the previous episode’s analysis.

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There was not chance we were going to top last night’s episode in terms of stuff to talk about. But there’s enough gristle here to get our teeth into. Let’s start with how a ‘miracle’ saved Tessa.

Kiss Goodbye Kate

The departure of Adam last night meant the disintegration of the alliance he was in. We’re of course talking about Tessa, Kate, Tara, and Ziggy. Though we don’t know just how tight and aligned they were, with last night’s vote seemingly making contestants make the decision between voting Adam off or keeping him around, a split in perceived allegiances was inevitable. Tara and Ziggy made the decision to side against Adam and if you read last night’s analysis you know that this was the right move. More on this later. Where it’s left Tessa and Kate though is out in no man’s land.

Sadly, they didn’t do much to help their situation. Instead of trying to integrate themselves back with the rest of the tribe, they just hung out together and talked to Markzan. This is much like what Sue and JL did in their final days last season. Their back was against the wall, and all they seemed to do was complain to each other about it.

Kate at least came up with a plan to convince AK (Male Rebel Wilson for those playing along) to swing their way. The problem was, her pitch was extremely transparent and aggressive. She hadn’t built the relationship with MRW enough for him to seriously consider it. And to be honest, I can’t imagine he would have ever considered it having narrowly escaped death the previous round. The last thing he wants to do is rock the boat, regardless of any idol clues that may be hiding within.

So Tessa and Kate try and throw some shade at Tara. The fact that thus far neither one of them tried to reintegrate with their tribemates (if we’re to believe the editing), the next best thing for each of them is to vote against the other. IMG_2145Especially when they’ve got Markzan as a number. If I were either of them I’d be going to Markzan and trying to gain his vote against the other. Perhaps that’s exactly what Tessa did. It seems that Markzan did actually have the deciding vote, with the other eight players voting a 4-4 straight split. Wonder why they did that.

What was it that ultimately sent Kate home over Tessa? I suspect it simply came down to their social game and likeablility. As above, Kate was ultra aggressive in her confrontation with AK, especially when you compare it to the way Tessa did it, and the way she chatted with Jarrad. So where to for Tessa from here?

Paging Dr. Miracle

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Nurse get me 20CC of hidden immunity idol stat!

Normally in this situation I’d say it’s time to lay low, be friendly, and hope that the tribe doesn’t lose the next challenge. But given all the shade she’s thrown at Tara, and the way that has rattled Tara, I actually feel like it’s worthwhile testing the tribe to see just how much, if any, of that mud stuck (I know I’m mixing metaphors, mud can be shady!). She seems to have some relationship with AK and Jarrad. It’s worthwhile nurturing that. I can’t see her getting back in the good books with Ziggy, Anneliese, or Tara. Locky leads by agreeing to do what Ziggy and Anneliese want. And Aimee does whatever Locky says. That leaves Tarzan, who at this stage looks like he doesn’t give a shit (I wouldn’t be surprised if he quit in the next few episodes), and Peter. Peter did make a comment about Tessa’s hypocrisy at tribal but I don’t know for sure that he’s off Tessa completely. I’d love to hear more from Peter.

The Numbers

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Used to be a whole tau, now there’s only Samatau left….

By this stage last season I was in a position where I was able to run down each individual player in a tribe and make suggestions on what they’re next move should be. I can’t quite do that this season. This is the drawback of starting with two twelve person tribes. There’s still so many people we don’t know anything about, we don’t know where everybody’s stands in their alliance and Peter’s a good example of this. I have no idea where he stands, what his aims are, and who he’s close to. When we started with tribes of eight, the tribal lines seemed clearer sooner. Not that I’m complaining. I really like that we’ve got two tribes. I hope they don’t change this anytime soon. When they’re down to 19 players is when I suspect they’ll move to three tribes. As I mentioned above though, we can talk Tara (AKA T-Bone).

High Steaks

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Ooh, saucy!

Above I stated that for T-Bone to jump off the Adam boat was the right move. The bigger question is though, did T-Bone do it the right way? Certainly she could have done it better. The first thing she needed to do when they got back to camp was to go and have a chat with Tessa and Kate and explain to them why she voted against Adam and to reassure them that they can still work together. Instead, she was standoffish and only deflected pointed questions rather than confronting them. Unfortunately she’s not a good liar. You may be saying that she’s still there so no big loss. I disagree. So much mud was thrown her way at the tribal that people can’t help but see her as dirty. Even at tribal she could have just owned the move. She could have agreed that she had flipped and justified why she did it. I don’t think she did a particularly good job of that. So where to for her now? I did get the feeling that with all that heat that came her way at tribal, she’s going to have to get do something to turn the heat down or she’s soon going to be cooked. Ziggy and Locky seem to be the people you need to get on side, so she needs to do what she can to sure them up and let them know that she is definitely with them. In doing so, she also needs to throw heat back at the barefoot conTessa.

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Practicing sans knife

She’ll have to tread carefully to do so, she doesn’t want to come off like the crazy person that she is being painted. But shots are fired and she needs to fire back otherwise I suspect Tessa does have the ability to actually swing the tribe away from T-Bone and towards herself. That’s my take anyway, I suspect that there’s many of you out there that think the opposite. Give me your opinion in the comments.

Knifing the Spooners

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Smark’s bid to take the spooning title from Lee and Sam.

Oh Zenry, what the hell were you thinking this episode? To me this was a masterclass in what not to do. Firstly, I’m glad that his alliance with Jacqui is strong. As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, I really like them as a power couple as they remind me a little of Malcolm and Denise. They’re cute. And I like the fact that they’ve kind of got their own thing going. Unfortunately, while this may have been something of a secret to the rest of the tribe in the past, they’ve since been spending too much time together and it’s become obvious to the rest of the tribe that they’re in cahoots. Both he and Jacqui were pissed off that Samantha had sent The Marksman (not sure if that works yet), but as far as I’m concerned that’s on them. They’ve been acting too sketchy, that’s why Sam was on to them. That’s what not to do number one.

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Shots fired or drawing blanks?

The second, I can’t believe we’re talking about this again; THROWING A CHALLENGE?!?!?! Are you kidding me? There is zero reason to do this. What damage is she doing other than being annoyingly paranoid and acting threateningly? There’s plenty of time to let her dig her own grave. I get that eventually you want to break the power that is in her relationship/alliance with Mark (can we call them SaMarktha? Smark?), but we haven’t even had a first merge/tribe shake up. That might happen naturally in reshuffle. Alternatively, knowing that Smark are onto you and Jacqui as a couple maybe the better move is to join forces and become a tight foursome before the reshuffle. Four votes is huge when you’ve got eleven people left in a tribe. Here’s a real marriage of convenience you can take advantage of, until there’s about to be a reshuffle (I can’t imagine they’re not all speculating about when that will happen), then it’s time to make that move.

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“I hate power couples”, says the man claiming to be in a power couple

I’m very much looking forward to seeing more of Asaga because I’d love to know what the moving pieces are over there, and just why it is that Zenry is sticking his neck out now. It will also be interesting to know just what Kent’s up to with his tipping off Jacqui and Zenry that Sam sent Mark on the reconnaissance mission. I anticipate juiciness ahead.

One week, three episodes down. I’m pleasantly surprised that we’ve had three eliminations, I thought for sure tonight would fire a blank. Until next week, I got nothing else for you, head back to camp.

– Russell Feathers

(Most memes created by Russell Feathers, most everything else and all gifs Channel Ten)

Episode 2 – ‘Dancing With Myself’ OR ‘Adam in Chains’

Make sure you have full awareness of the camp so that you have the best shot of finding idols. If you’re yet to read my analysis of episode 1 you can do so here.

Tonight it was all about the idols. Personally I feel that its a little too early in the game to introduce hidden immunity idols. However that’s not what we’re here to talk about today. This analysis is about the game more than it is about the show. And there was plenty of gameplay going on tonight. So let’s settle in to the spyshack and discuss what goes on at the well

Here He Come Now Saying Phony Phony

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“Jarrad will you be my wing-man? That would be the breast”

I had no idea what the hell went on in this episode. From the first sniff of this ridiculous idol, we knew we were in for a hectic ride tonight. Firstly, I’ve always loved the idea of a fake idol, so I’m glad someone’s having a crack at it. Here’s why it should never have happened this episode. For me the power of the fake idol is that it can create enough doubt to shift the focus off you when the pressure is on. Even if there is suspicion that you may have an idol it can be enough to get people jumpy enough to not risk voting you. Alternatively you give it to someone gullible enough to believe it’s an idol to gain their trust, influencing them to vote your way, while you stab them in the back. Either way, you use it when your back is against the wall and you need to create some misdirection.

“He may have felt on the out, but so did Kristie episode 2 so we know that feeling on the out is very different to actually having your chicken head on the chicken chopping block…”

The way that AK used it (or MRW, Male Rebel Wilson for those who read yesterday’s analysis), was clumsy, sketchy, and in my mind, ultimately unnecessary. From what I’ve seen, his back was not against the wall. He may have felt on the out, but so did Kristie episode 2 so we know that feeling on the out is very different to actually having your chicken head on the chicken chopping block (or in the chicken killing cone, that’s how I’ve always killed chickens). Speaking of chickens…

Chicken idol!! Who the shit believes such a thing? Well if we’re to believe the way that the show was edited, Jarrad apparently. Enough that the very next scene was Anneliese telling Aimee that the idol exists and that Jarrad has seen it. WOW.

Even if I don’t agree with MRW’s move here, you can’t deny that it hasn’t worked out the way he intended.

Idol Threats

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The fact that he was eliminated aside, I don’t know that Adam could have had a worse game tonight. It was a comedy of errors, some of which were under his control, others just bad luck.

Good on him thinking to look for an advantage with the reward, but after that it went downhill. Once he’s seen it, and realises that MRW has also seen it, for me his best move was to pull MRW aside, and come up with a plan to get the clue and find the idol together. I get that their relationship is not great, but this is the point where you suck it up and work with the enemy to gain an advantage. Even if that advantage is just knowing that somebody else has it, that’s power.

Regardless, he decides to get the clue another way, asking his alliance to distract MRW so Adam can get the clue. At least he found a way to do that, but now there’s five or six people that know about an idol clue rather than just two. That’s his next mistake.

Then he decides to go looking for the idol in full view of everyone. Why? There was no rush to get the idol. MRW didn’t have the clue. Not only that, based on the clue content, I don’t think he would have guessed where the idol was. Mistake.

We later learn that his quest is fruitless, so not only has he made everyone paranoid watching him on his hunt, he has nothing to show for it. Knowing that this looks bad he returns to his alliance and tries to convince them to find the idol so that ‘bugalugs’ can’t. So deep is his enmity for MRW that the thought that MRW might get the idol is enough to send him into a panic. In his panic, his plea for help comes off as a guilt trip and a threat to his alliance. Another mistake. This is terrible.

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Locky sacrifices the modesty of his tackle box in order to win a…. tackle box

Somehow word gets back to Locky and Ziggy (?), and Adam shows them the clue and they set off for the booty (Locky’s second booty experience this episode). Awaiting them there is only evidence suggesting that somebody has an idol. Adam’s panicked response to this, “vote me off” does the opposite of placating Locky and Ziggy, instead making them more suspicious that he’s playing them. Of all people to have thinking you’re acting suspicious, Locky is the worst. Seemingly he has more tribal influence than anyone else. I suspect that ultimately this stroke of bad luck is what sends Adam home.

(Male) Rebel (Wilson) Yell!

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In true MRW fashion he gives more, more, more. Completely overdoing it. Seemingly going utterly over the top by showing off his chicken idol. Then was all over the shop telling Anneliese bullshit about Adam, doing a what looks like a piss poor job of mending his relationship with Jarrad. To paraphrase the true idol of this post, Billy Idol, MRW seemed to be dancing with himself. How he got away with this is beyond me. The only thing I can think is that Adam’s relationships were so damaged, and everyone was so sketchy about cluegate that all trust was eroded. The other take, and the least likely for mine, but the reason I would likely base my decision on were I in that situation is that Adam is simply a bigger threat than MRW. At least with MRW you know that he’s full of shit. Adam on the other hand is a smoother talker and potentially has the ability to influence people. And he’s not as transparent as MRW so you don’t know what he’s thinking.

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Has MRW become the tribe’s loveable douchebag? The bullshit artist friend that you keep around because he’s harmless and provides laughs? He’s a regular Chunk from The Goonies. Whatever it is, people don’t seem to think he’s a threat to their game, and I thought the same until he pulled off tonight. Or maybe I’m wrong about that. Peter said during his vote that he thought MRW was a threat but that he had a better social connection with him, and that’s even after the homo question of last episode. This is all just a mystery to me, and I don’t know if that’s because I’m too obtuse to see what’s going on, or MRW is too erratic to pin down or we’re just not being shown enough in the edit to actually get a read on what’s happening. God only knows how MRW managed to get those people to vote against Anneliese, I’d love to hear your thoughts on that (tell me what you think in the comments below).

Shock To The System

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When MRW pulled that idol out, I said “YEAH”, yeah, “YEAH”, yeah (OK maybe that’s enough Billy Idol tonight…)

Much like that hairstyle, it’s about time I got off MRW. Even though I didn’t make a Billy Idol on The Wedding Singer joke! But one last thing. Playing the idol for Jarrad. I was blown away when he pulled that idol out. I jumped from the couch like friggin Tom Cruise. When he announced it was for Jarrad…

I.

Was.

Shocked.

Why the hell did he do that? Even if he knew the votes weren’t coming his way surely the smarter move is to keep the idol yeah? On reflection, I believe it is actually genius. Now that Adam was gone, and he didn’t play an idol, it would be assumed that someone must have it. Those fingers would be pointed square at MRW. Big target on his “beard” *heavily exaggerated air quotes*. So by giving it to Jarrad, he loses that target and also shows the tribe that he can be considered loyal and trustworthy and a team player. I really like the move. Sure he’s left without an idol, but he may have just won back some trust. Which is arguably more powerful.

Rock the Cradle of Love

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Hey little sister who’s your superman?

Before I finish off tonight I need to touch on a burgeoning showmance (ugh, I feel dirty after actually using that particular portmanteau). I’m talking of course about our very own Malcolm and Denise, Henry and Jacqui. I love these two as a duo. I can’t wait to see what the two of them cook up. Quick note on gameplay here, it looked like Zenry (incidentally did anyone else hear Zenry shout out “POWER” to his tribemates during the challenge like some sort of prayer to the yoga gods?) saw the clue before Jacqui did. If that’s the case then again I would argue that the better move here is to keep it to yourself. The less people that know about it and that you’re obligated to the better.

There was a lot going on this episode and I haven’t covered everything, but I’m not satisfied with Locky cheeks, I need some real nudity and so I’m off to watch Game of Boobs. I mean Boob of Thrones. You get the idea. I’ve got nothing else for you, head back to camp.

– Russell Feathers

(Most memes created by Russell Feathers, most everything else and all gifs channel ten)

Episode 1 – ‘Welcome (Back) to the Jungle’ OR ‘Paradise Shitty’

We’re Back and Ready for Round 2

So it begins. In a move which one might imagine is in response to fans’ complaints of last season, we have a cast of true game players. In my last post I argued that this was not necessarily a good thing, so far I stand by that (aren’t I just the contrarian?!). Being a first episode there’ll be little to talk about strategy wise here, so it might be a short post. Regardless, let’s make like Jarrad and hold on to our sacks, hopefully it will be a fun ride.

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I’m no expert at making friends but I’m pretty sure you don’t start by asking “are you homosexual” in the first hour…

Movers and Shankers?

While there was much argument last season that there were too few ‘superfans’, it seems that this season every other player has a gimmick. While I’m not here to critique casting choices, I will critique strategy. Most obviously in my cross-hairs is of course Henry. Mother Hen? Zenry? (Cast your vote for nickname in the comments). The faux yoga teacher. Let’s put aside for now that in his piece to camera he tells us that he’s shocked no one has ever lied about their vocation before (makes me think he’s no fan at all), to be fair we didn’t learn anything about him tonight other than that part of his strategy. Which it seems is the strategy of many of our contestants in 2017. Not that I’m knocking the play as such. But to call it a master strategy? It’s a minor tactic at best. Let’s look at the players in the past who have done well with this strategy, the most prominent of whom being Tony Vlachos. I think we can all agree that Tony’s ploy to hide his vocation was not the factor that led to his success. Let’s look at all of the players who’ve hidden or disguised their vocation and not done as well as Tony. Bianca, episode 2 boot. Evan, episode 3 boot. Did Phoebe hide what she did? If she did it didn’t seem to help her. I believe Andrew hid that he was a ‘superfan’, might have helped but wasn’t enough. And that’s just the players from the last Australian season who’ve tried this tactic or something similar. There’s a list of non-performers from US seasons. Even the first boot from the NZ season hid her fandom.

Covert Unintelligence

How many players do we have here that are hiding their background? Aside from Yin Yang Hank, I count Mark W., and Tara (dear reader let me know if there’s anyone missing from this list). Seriously Tara? You think that people knowing you’re a barrel racer would disadvantage you? I didn’t even know it was a thing until 30 mins ago!

 

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I don’t know Jacqui, have you met my ex-wife?

Back to Halasana Henry (it’s a yoga pose, again, vote below). I’m not quite sure what his reasoning is here anyway. Is he just trying to hide that he’s a labourer? Are labourers inherently Survivor threats? Perhaps the idea is just that he’s going to pretend to be a really cool, friendly, easygoing guy. Not really sure that that’s something you can fake. Just ask AK47 (someone was going to do it, might as well be me). Or as I like to call him, Male Rebel Wilson. MRW.

Finding the Dickhead…

These guys. These fuggin guys. So many dickheads. Of course I don’t know these people outside of the show and they’re possibly great people, but so far, they’re acting like dickheads (or at best it’s being edited that way).

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Hey caption guy, you spelled ‘douchebag’ incorrectly.

MRW. AKA, AK (A!!) Your faux gentlemanliness might help you pick up drunk bridesmaids (or more likely not), but dude this is not a coolness party. Dial it back. I’m imagining his final tribal speech now. Everyone is blown away when he reveals that he doesn’t actually have any gay friends *insert dramatic reveal music*!!! (Is that because he doesn’t have any friends at all?). The lying about gay friends takes the prize for most dickhead comment of the evening. I hope he can dial it back for his sake. If he doesn’t I suspect he’s not long for this world. As of right now, you’re dickhead number one. I should know, I learned all about it from Fat Fiscal Superman. AKA Kent.

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AK does his best wedding singer impression, “Julia Gulia are you sure there isn’t any rum in that Coca Cola?

…In a Sea of Dickheads

IMG_2116Is the sarcasm filtering though here? Please keep making dickhead moves like this, we love it. Next on our dickhead list is Jericho the Jesus Jerk. OK, fair enough we haven’t really seen much of him tonight, but he did possibly say the second most dickheaded comment of the night. I’m paraphrasing but essentially it was ‘in my life I live a strong Christian faith, but in this game there will be bloodshed! *maniacal laugh*’. His strong Christian faith is so strong that he hasn’t read enough of the bible to know that is chock full of slaughter, or enough history books to realise that the Christian faith is responsible for more bloodshed on this planet than any other doctrine, nazism included. I’m getting political, but so I should. If Australian Survivor wants to shine a light spirituality/religiosity, then of course I’m going to respond. Anyway, other than myself, there was of course one more dickhead of note as dickheadedness is not solely a male phenomenon.

Oh Baby. Baby…

She’s not your typical sheila. She’s a knockaround, drink a slab with the boys, call a spade a spade, fair dinkum Aussie rootrat. Seriously Survivor? This is where we’re going in 2017, ocker gender stereotypes? Again, we didn’t see much of Aimee tonight, but the little introduction we did have made it into our dickhead quotable quotes. So quotable that I’m not going to quote it but I will paraphrase. Essentially she said ‘when I tell people I’m a plumber, they’re like, “nah, you must be a hairdresser”, and I’m like “nah, I’m a plumber”‘. Aimee if you’re seriously telling people that you’re a plumber and they’re responding with disbelief and suggesting that you must be a hairdresser, then you must talking to true, died in the wool, fuckin dickheads. Who are these idiots that respond like this? To be fair to you, the dickheadedness on display here does not belong to you. I’m sincerely sorry if that’s you’re experience. I don’t find it laughable at all, and it saddens me that you dismiss it as humour. I hope that you don’t have to experience that again in the future.

Other Notable Moments

We’ve already noted use of the word ‘dickhead’ tonight and I’m really happy that Survivor has not been afraid to use such language. It was particularly refreshing to hear Jacqui use the word ‘tits’. IMG_2117And in the opening moments too. Really set the tone. Is that a Survivor first? Somebody please make a meme of Jacqui saying ‘tits’, I’ll be forever in your debt.

 

 

I don’t feel like we’ll have to talk through the challenge and lead up to tribal, there’s little to discuss other than the challenge was fun, but took too much airtime for my liking. Time that could have been spent showing us whether or not there was an advantage on the barge at the start. I’d be surprised if no one had the sense to look for one, I would have liked to see that. Incidentally, while we’re on the barge, you can’t call it a twist in the first challenge if you are just explaining the rules of the challenge. That’s not a twist, that’s explaining the rules of the challenge. I’ll wager a large booty that this is not the first time Australian Survivor lies about a twist this season though.

 

My viewing buddy and I looked at each other when Joan told us she was the puzzle queen and recognised that they very much sounded like famous last words. Not sure what to make of Ben flipping his vote to Joan on the revote. We don’t know enough about him or any alliances/factions/voting blocks at this stage to understand the strategy behind it. Perhaps there was no strategy.

IMG_2115

Must say I was a little shocked that there dind’t seem to be much made of sending two people off to the fire challenge. As we discussed last season, if ever there’s a situation where the tribe has to pick one or more emissaries you do not want to be one of those people. There’s too great a possibility it will not work out for you, as we saw for Mark H. He took this hard. Just as Kent and Joan took it hard when they put their hands up for the puzzle.

There wasn’t enough lime farmer this episode. Wait, that’s not true, there was more time with Tarzan this episode than there was Jared Lipnicki in Jerry Maguire!

All in all, I must say I’m extremely happy with the episode though. Yes I’ve talked a lot about the dickheads that I loathe. But as I discussed at length last post, that’s what we love about Survivor. Talking with our friends and the community about the dickheads, gaining pleasure in their failures, feeling superior when they make a stupid move or say something ridiculous, telling everyone how we would do it SO much better. If anything I hope that these losers would calm down just a little bit, we don’t want them all to go home in the first third of the season and have a lacklustre period like we did last year. We’ve certainly got a cast of fabulous characters, time will tell if we have a cast of fantastic contestants.

Until tomorrow, that’s all I’ve got for you, head back to camp.

– Russell Feathers

 

(Most memes created by Russell Feathers, most everything else and all gifs channel ten)