Ever feel like you’ve dacked an idol clue only to discover it was a manicure set? Don’t get your short and curlies caught in the razor, read how we got here, here.

Much like Luke’s pubes, tonight’s analysis is going to be short and, er, sweet.
All hail Queen Ziggy! Tonight Ziggy gave us a masterclass in Survivor. I must admit I was worried for a while there that this would turn out differently. But cooler heads prevailed. How did she do it? Let’s not beat around the shaved ballsack, let’s sink our teeth into it (the episode that is, not the scrotum).

Zig or Zag

Our first look at Samatau tonight once again presented us with a downtrodden Locky and T-Bone trying to piece together some way of forming a majority alliance. Clearly they don’t read my analysis because I’ve been saying for weeks that the only hope for them as individuals is to abandon each other. Of course, they’re too proud to flip to the majority alliance, that would mean admitting defeat. So they (let’s be honest here Locky was the only one doing anything) hatch a plan to influence Ziggy to flip. I was a little confused when they did this since that would leave the numbers at a 4-4 split, How stupid was I not to think that splitting the votes could be on the cards. It seems I wasn’t the only stupid one as neither T-Bone nor Locky made any play to influence the majority alliance to do that let alone think that it could happen (at least not that we were shown). Ziggy to her credit, at least entertains the possibility. We know now of course that she was lying to Anneliese, T-Bone and Locky, but I do believe that she did not dismiss their proposal initially. That she took the time to consider this option. I suspect it didn’t take much consideration before she made the decision that this was not her best move. And from there, well, the way she had the others, particularly Anneliese, thinking that she was with them was nothing less than inspired.

“MARCO?”…”ANNELIESE!” (you thought I was going to say polo, that’s why this particular joke works on multiple levels (oh yeah I am that clever))

In a game of ‘big moves’, sometimes it’s the little things that make a good Survivor player. Like limiting your interactions with T-Bone on the pretext that it would make her real alliance suspicious. Like sitting directly between Locky and AK at tribal council (I choose to believe this was a deliberate and strategic move). And most impressive at all, announcing to the rest of her alliance that she was voting Anneliese in the surprise vote, so that they may follow her lead. Incidentally, do you think that they actually had a chance to talk before having to make that surprise vote? I’d be shocked if someone didn’t at least ask if they could. I know I’d certainly ask the question.

Back to our Stardust woman. Why was this the best move for Ziggy?
At present she has a good thing going with her fivesome. While it would be naïve not to acknowledge that somebody must be on the bottom, or at the very least that some people are in stronger position than others, there’s nothing that has me thinking that Zig is particularly weak within that fivesome. There’s no doubt in my mind that had she jumped ship, she would most definitely be on the bottom of her new foursome. Admittedly AK is a threat strategically, but he’s also a bloody good meat-shield (is there a better term for that than meat-shield, particularly when the threat is not so much physical but strategic? Threat-magnet? If you’ve got a good one let me know in the comments). I can’t see anyone (other than AK) gunning for Ziggy if AK’s still around posing a threat. Not to mention that Ziggy would put a big target on her balls making such a big move at this point. Locky told her to sit pretty, and that’s exactly what she’s doing.

T… Boned

Just when we thought this particular cut of meat was going to get the chop, she’s thrown a lifeline. Dammit. Tara did absolutely nothing to save herself this episode, or the episodes previous. If she were on Asaga I’ve no doubt that she would have been counted in Zenry’s useless basket. If I cared for T-Bone I might give her some advice here. The reality is of course that she’s unlikely to listen to it, and she is never going to win anyway. She’s not playing the game, she doesn’t understand the game, and frankly she comes across as a sook. I don’t care for her. If I did, my advice would be you’ve been given a second shot here, make like AK and show some humility, maybe you’ll actually bond with someone, and then do your best to stay out of the crosshairs (and Lukehairs).

Bridge Over Muddied Waters

Usually I’d spend the rest of the analysis breaking down what I think each of the remaining players from tonight’s tribal council should do next. However, with a shake up looming I don’t see much point in tailoring advice to individuals, so I’ll just say, play it cool to everyone. The last thing you want to do is shake things up now. Let someone else stick their neck in the guillotine. If the shuffle opens options for you, absolutely do what you can to assess those options, but don’t act yet. Solidify your current bonds (if they remain), allow new relationships to develop (I believe this was Andy’s downfall last season. Prior to the shuffle you could see him socialising with everyone in his tribe, post-shuffle he did not talk to some new tribemates at all), and keep a low profile. For some of course, this will be easier than others. I’m looking at you Luke and Jerkicho.

Every day I’m Shuffling

Wow, I’ve made it this far and haven’t even criticised the twist. My thoughts on what I see as production ‘tricking’ players are by now well established. If somehow you don’t know where I stand check here. When J-LaP introduced the immunity challenge I noted that he did not say “I’ll see you at tribal council where someone will be going home”, instead he said “voted out”. I don’t know if this is the first time he’s said that this season. If there’s anyone out there who knows or is willing to make the effort to go back through the season and check, I’d be interested to hear from you in the comments. When he said that tonight I wondered if anyone would ever front him on that and directly ask him if people were being sent home at tribal. I don’t expect he’d give a direct answer, but you’d know something was up. Ultimately I don’t think this knowledge would have changed the strategy in terms of voting against T-Bone. But knowing that you were voting twice certainly would have made things more interesting.

I know it’s been a mostly Asaga-less analysis here, but there wasn’t much happening over there worth analysing to be honest, particularly with a shuffle on our hands. So until next episode, I got nothing for you, head back to camp.

– Russell Feathers

(Most memes created by Russell Feathers, most everything else and all gifs Channel Ten)

Russell Feathers needs your help, especially if you’re an aspie. Do you have a knack for finding typos, spelling, or other grammatical errors? Do you love pointing them out? If you’re one of these hotshit people and have found anything above, please let me know here! (Neurotypicals not excluded).